They’re too good to be true.  You meet someone online who seems perfect—attentive, caring, and constantly in touch. Over weeks or months, they build a connection with you, sharing personal stories and expressing deep emotions. You begin to trust them, maybe even fall in love. But then, a problem arises—they need money for an emergency. It could be a medical bill, travel expenses, or help getting out of a difficult situation.

You want to help, and send them the money. That’s when things start to break down.

Romance scams like these are heartbreakingly common. Fraudsters prey on people’s emotions, using fake identities to build online relationships and then swindle their victims out of thousands—or even millions—of dollars. But here’s the good news: by understanding how these scams work and knowing the red flags, you can protect yourself and your finances. In this article, we’ll break down how romance scams unfold, the signs to watch for, and steps you can take to stay safe while searching for love online.

What Is a Romance Scam?

A romance scam is a type of online fraud where scammers create fake identities on dating sites, social media, or messaging apps to establish relationships with their targets. Their goal? To manipulate victims emotionally and financially. Once they’ve gained a person’s trust, they fabricate urgent scenarios to request money.  You want to help out the person you love, right?

These scams are drawn out over time, with the fraudster slowly grooming their victim. They may send sweet messages every day and even plan future meetings. But there’s always an excuse when it comes to finally meeting in person—travel restrictions, military deployment, or visa issues are common reasons that delay you from meeting your true love.

According to the Federal Trade Commission (FTC), victims of romance scams in the U.S. reported losing $1.3 billion in 2023, making it the costliest type of online fraud. These losses are not just financial but emotional, leaving victims devastated by the betrayal.

If you’ve been scammed, don’t be embarrassed.  This is a multi-billion dollar industry, and the scammers are incredibly good at it.  Our security team at 1st Source Bank wants to help you notice the warning signs so we can all be safer as a community.

How Romance Scams Work

Romance scams follow a predictable pattern. Here’s how they typically unfold:

  1. Initial Contact: Scammers usually make contact on dating websites, social media platforms, or even in online games. They might reach out directly with a message that feels genuine, complimenting you or expressing a shared interest.
  2. Building a Relationship: Once they’ve connected, the scammer moves quickly to establish trust. They’ll shower you with attention, send long, heartfelt messages, and even claim to have fallen in love early on. They may insist on communicating outside the platform, such as through WhatsApp or email, where it’s harder to track their behavior.
  3. The Request for Help: After weeks or months of building an emotional connection, the scammer introduces a crisis—a medical emergency, a business failure, or a family tragedy. They’ll ask for money to cover the costs, promising to repay you or meet in person once the problem is resolved.
  4. Escalation: Once the victim sends money, the scammer often continues asking for more, creating additional emergencies or financial setbacks. They’ll keep making excuses as to why they can’t meet in person, using your emotional investment to string you along.
  5. The Disappearance: Eventually, the scammer may disappear altogether, cutting off all contact once they’ve extracted enough money or when they feel their cover is about to be blown. By this point, the victim may have lost thousands of dollars and feel deeply hurt by the betrayal.

Common Signs of a Romance Scam

Romance scammers are highly skilled at manipulating emotions, but there are several red flags to watch for:

  • Too Good to Be True: Scammers often create fake profiles with attractive photos and exaggerated personal qualities. If someone seems too perfect—like a wealthy businessperson, soldier stationed overseas, or glamorous model—be cautious.
  • Fast-Tracked Romance: Fraudsters often express love or deep emotions unusually quickly, sometimes within days or weeks of starting a conversation. If someone is pushing for a committed relationship too soon, it could be a scam.
  • Avoiding In-Person Meetings: One of the biggest red flags is that the person continually cancels plans to meet in person. They might claim they’re stuck in another country, deployed in the military, or facing legal issues that prevent them from travelling.
  • Requests for Money: Asking for money is the biggest telltale sign of a romance scam. Scammers may ask for help with medical bills, flights, business investments, or even cryptocurrency schemes. They often promise to repay the money or give reasons why the request is temporary.
  • Untraceable Payment Methods: Scammers typically request payment through methods that are difficult to trace or recover, such as wire transfers, gift cards, or cryptocurrency. If someone insists on being paid this way, it’s a major red flag.

Real-Life Examples of Romance Scams

Sarah’s Perfect Match

Sarah, a 52-year-old mother of two grown children, had been feeling lonely and decided to try online dating. She signed up for a reputable dating site, hoping to meet someone with similar interests. After a few days of browsing profiles, she connected with a man named “Michael.” He was in his mid-50s, handsome, and a successful architect working on a long-term project in Mexico. They quickly struck up a conversation, bonding over shared life experiences and dreams for the future.

Over the next few weeks, Michael became a constant presence in Sarah’s life. He sent thoughtful messages every morning and even shared photos of his travels and work. They would talk for hours online and on the phone, discussing everything from family to plans for the future. Michael expressed his desire to visit Sarah once his project was complete, and Sarah felt like she had found someone who truly understood her.

Then, a few months into their relationship, Michael told Sarah that he had run into a serious issue. He explained that there was a sudden legal problem with local authorities and his assets were frozen.  He needed to hire a lawyer, and fast. Desperate and afraid of losing the business he had worked so hard to build, he asked Sarah for help.

At first, Sarah hesitated. While she had developed strong feelings for Michael, she was unsure about sending money to someone she had never met in person. But Michael was persistent—he reassured her that this was a temporary setback and promised to repay her as soon as his assets were released. Eventually Sarah gave in and sent him $5,000.

Unfortunately, that wasn’t the end of it. A week later, Michael told Sarah that the legal situation had worsened, and he needed additional funds to fight the charges. Over the next few months, Sarah sent him nearly $30,000. Every time she expressed doubt or concern, Michael would play on her emotions, telling her how much he loved her and how grateful he was for her support.

Sarah became increasingly anxious about never meeting Michael in person. The legal issue was resolved, but whenever they made plans for him to visit, he would cancel at the last minute. There were unexpected work complications, health issues, flight cancellations. Finally, Sarah confided in a close friend who expressed concern about the relationship. She encouraged Sarah to dig deeper into Michael’s story.

Sarah decided to do a reverse image search of the photos Michael had sent her. To her shock, the images were traced back to a completely different person—a man who had no connection to Michael or the story he had told her. Realizing she had been scammed, Sarah confronted Michael, but he immediately cut off all communication and deleted his profile.

Heartbroken and embarrassed, Sarah reported the scam to the authorities and her bank. Worse still, the emotional toll was significant—Sarah had invested months of her time and energy into a relationship that was nothing more than a carefully constructed lie.

Alex’s Social Media Crush

Take the story of Alex, a 24-year-old social media influencer with thousands of followers. Alex frequently connected with new people online through platforms like Instagram, Twitter, and even TikTok. One day, they were approached by someone on Instagram who seemed to have a lot in common. Jamie was attractive, seemed well-traveled, and often posted glamorous photos from around the world. They quickly hit it off, exchanging messages about shared interests like fitness and travel.

Over the next few months, Jamie and Alex communicated regularly, moving from Instagram DMs to texting and FaceTiming. Jamie’s profile and stories checked out—they were active on multiple platforms, posted stories, and engaged with followers, making them seem legitimate. Alex felt like they had finally met someone who understood them.

Then, out of the blue, Jamie claimed they were stuck abroad after a business trip gone wrong. Their wallet and passport had been stolen, and they needed help to pay for emergency expenses until they could get back home. Alex, having built a strong emotional connection and believing the situation was real, sent $2,000 via a digital payment app to help Jamie out.

A few days later, Jamie asked for more money to cover unexpected legal fees in the foreign country. At this point, Alex began to feel suspicious. They Googled Jamie’s photos and realized they had been stolen from someone else’s account. Alex also noticed that Jamie’s Instagram interactions seemed superficial and automated—despite the active-looking profile, Jamie had very few real interactions with people.

And what about FaceTime? It’s what’s called a “deepfake,” where someone uses software to replace their image and voice with someone else’s.

Realizing they had been scammed, Alex confronted Jamie, who immediately cut off all contact and deleted their profile. Unfortunately, Alex was never able to recover the money and felt both emotionally betrayed and financially taken advantage of.

Unfortunately, stories like these are all too common. Romance scams can happen to anyone, regardless of age, gender, or background.

How to Protect Yourself from Romance Scams

While romance scams can be emotionally and financially devastating, you can protect yourself by staying vigilant and following these tips:

  1. Keep Personal Information Private: Avoid sharing sensitive personal information, like your address, financial details, or passwords, with anyone you’ve only met online. Scammers can use this information against you.
  2. Don’t Send Money to Someone You’ve Never Met: This is the golden rule—no matter how convincing their story sounds, don’t send money to someone you’ve never met in person. A legitimate partner will never ask for financial help, especially early in a relationship.
  3. Verify Their Identity: If you’re suspicious, do a reverse image search of their profile photos. Often, scammers steal pictures from other people’s social media profiles. You can use tools like Google Image Search or TinEye to see where else their photos appear online.
  4. Ask Questions: If someone’s story doesn’t add up or they avoid answering questions about their background, it could be a sign they’re hiding something. Scammers often struggle to keep their fabricated stories straight.
  5. Use Trusted Dating Platforms: Stick to well-known dating websites that have security measures in place. These platforms often have ways to report suspicious activity, and they screen profiles more carefully.
  6. Talk to Friends or Family: If you’re unsure about a relationship, talk to someone you trust. Friends or family members can offer an outside perspective and may spot red flags that you’ve missed.
  7. Report the Scam: If you think you’ve encountered a romance scam, report it to the FTC, the FBI’s Internet Crime Complaint Center (IC3), or your local authorities. This helps prevent others from falling victim to the same scheme.

Conclusion

Romance scams prey on people’s emotions, leaving victims not just financially drained, but also emotionally shattered. However, by recognizing the red flags and taking preventive steps, you can protect yourself from falling into a scammer’s trap. Remember, genuine relationships take time to build, and anyone asking for money early on is likely up to no good.

When it comes to online romance, it’s important to keep your guard up and trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right, don’t be afraid to walk away—it’s better to be safe than sorry. And if you suspect someone is trying to scam you, report it to protect others from falling victim to the same scheme. Stay vigilant, and you can enjoy online dating without putting your heart—or your wallet—at risk.